Of Cakes and Ice Cream
by K9 Informant
Summary: Birthdays. Stalking. Eavesdropping and a whole lot of awkwardness. Sai on the topic of his sexuality.


**Warning; OOC-ness. This may or may not contain certain elements that may be rude to certain people. Tomatoes pelting must be kept to the minimum. Homophobic people go away and people who can't take jokes should stop reading this. **

**Viewer discretion is advised. You may now rape the husband.**

**If you are already offended, I apologize for no such intention was meant in the making of this fan fiction.**

**...No humans were harmed in the making of this.**

**Summary: Short oneshot. Sai on the topic of his sexuality.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

November 25th. Ten days after the festival of shichigosan. A month before Christmas.

But most importantly, November 25th was a certain member on Team Kakashi's birthday; Sai.

With only three days left before the dreaded day, the members of the newly reformed Team Kakashi were frantically scrambling around town looking for the perfect gift for their absolutely socially awkward friend. The deathly pale, raven-haired teen was still learning about bonds and friendship and had no idea what a 'birthday party' was. So being a good chap, Naruto decided to throw the ex-ROOT member a surprise birthday party, inviting the entire Konoha 11 and a few others.

Of course, Sai did not have the slightest clue what was going on, but he was hell-bent on finding out.

* * *

Sai was observant. Vigilance did come with being a ninja. However, even by ninja standards, Sai was attentive. He was watchful, taking in everything like a sponge. And despite the fact that there always seemed to be an air of nonchalance around him, Sai was still cautious, keenly observing everyone, _everything_, hyper sensitive to his surroundings.

So it was really no surprise when he noticed something was amiss that very day.

"Well, that's all for today. Dismissed!" Kakashi ordered the members of his team, bored obsidian orbs never leaving his precious little orange book, before disappearing in a swirl of green leaves. With their commander gone, Naruto leaped to Sakura's side, pestering her for a date. She initially refused, huffing and crossing her slender arms, turning their head in anger. However, after a few more tries, occasional winks here and there and the slightest of gestures that appeared to be pointing at him, Sakura finally agreed and the pair left together, looking back every so often.

This spiked Sai's curiosity.

_'Something is definitely amiss. What did Dickless do so that Ugly finally agreed to go on a date with him? Unless... Dickless trapped Ugly in a genjutsu...? But Dickless has zero talent when it comes to the art of illusions... Could it be? Enemy ninja?' _Sai thought to himself, wide-eye. Deciding to observe the two, he put his amazing stealth skills to use, blending into the shadows and stalked the blond and the rosette.

* * *

The two have been at it for a couple of hours now. Entering a shop, browsing its items and then leave said shop empty-handed before repeating the process all over again. Becoming slightly bored, Sai settled on moving closer to eavesdrop on their conversation. As agile as a panther, the raven-haired artist inched closer and closer to the apprentices of the sannin. When he was within hearing range, he pushed chakra to his ears to enhance his sense of hearing.

"This is getting troublesome, dattebayo!" Naruto whined, putting his hands in his pockets and kicking the small rocks that were on the floor. Sakura jabbed him in the ribs and sent him a small glare, "That's because we really don't know much about him! And also you couldn't come up with any good ideas"

"What! I suggested we get him one of those books he likes to read! Uh... What was it called again? Oh yeah._ 'How to Understand People'_! We _so_ could have gotten him that!" Naruto shouted at the rosette indignation, squinting his eyes.

"But he already has so many of those kinds of books!"

"What's wrong with having another, dattebayo! The more the merrier right?"

"I bet other people would get him that book too! We need to be _original. _Besides, how do you know if he hasn't even read it before?"

"Aw man! I guess we should keep looking huh?"

"That's right you idiot, Naruto!" Sakura yelled at the blond genin, giving him a chakra-enhanced fist to the head.

"Ow, Sakura! Couldn't you be more gentle?" whimpered the Uzumaki, walking beside the rosette dejectedly, allowing himself to get dragged along by the Godaime Hokage's apprentice. They pair soon turned a corner, into a dark alleyway with Sai hot on their trails. It was silent for a while, the atmosphere was stifling. Not liking the tense air between him and Sakura, Naruto whispered softly that Sai almost could not hear what the blond said.

"Hey, do you think Sai is you know..." the childish prospective Hokage's voice trailed off. Raising an elegant pink eyebrow at her team mate, Sakura hissed at him. "You know what?"

"You know! Do you think Sai is...? _Gay_?" asked Naruto. That question caught Sakura off-guard, making her stop in her tracks as she slowly turned to her team mate. Emerald eyes opened wide, brows furrowed together.

"Gay? Sure, Sai is happier than he used to be I guess..."

"Not that gay! I meant homosexual gay, not happy gay, dattebayo!"

"... I don't know." Sakura finally decided, continuing. "Though, I think he's straight. I mean he called Ino-pig Miss Gorgeous!"

"Uh... So?"

"_So... _Sai can't be gay! He must be straight! I mean a gay guy wouldn't call me ugly and call Ino-pig 'gorgeous'!"

"But I think gay guys would call you ugly_— Ow! What was that for!" _Naruto screamed, clutching his side. Without giving the blond a reply, Haruno Sakura stalked off, leaving the Uzumaki down in the dust. He quickly recovered and ran to catch up with the angry teenage girl. "Hey, Sakura! Wait for me, Sakura!"

Blinking, Sai concluded that it there was indeed _no _enemy ninja, and it was just Dickless getting a lucky shot with Ugly that day as they were supposed to look for a present for someone who liked to read. Drawing an end to the mystery, Sai stopped following the pair, deciding it was going to be a waste of his time if he continued to follow the bickering friends around town.

* * *

_Three days later..._

* * *

It was eight and the party was in the full swing of things. There were quite some people, both familiar faces and strangers he probably passed by on the streets a couple of times. The entire Konoha 11 plus their commanders were there, along with Hana, three genin brats wearing long scarves who had recently graduated from the Academy and their sensei, Ebisu. Aoba. Genma. Kotetsu and Izumo. Even Shizune and the Hokage were there.

Sai dragged Naruto and Sakura to a corner, demanding to speak to them.

"Dickless, Ugly, what is this all about?" Sai interrogated the two.

"November 25th. Does the date ring a bell?" quizzed Naruto. Sakura shook her head and slapped her forehead.

"November 25th. Ten days after the festival of shichigosan. A month before christm_—"_

"No! November 25th is your birthday!"

Sakura shouted at the oblivious raven. Said raven cocked his head to the side, obviously indicating confusion. The rosette sighed, "It's your birthday. How could you have forgotten?"

"Since it's your birthday, we decided to throw you a birthday party, dattebayo!" Naruto continued. The pair looked at the obsidian eye teen as he digested the information. Hesitantly, he asked, "So this is a 'birthday party'?"

"Um, yeah."

"Oh."

Awkward silence fell upon the members of the reformed Team Kakashi as the three stood there not saying anything. Shockingly, the first to speak was Sai.

"So, I overheard your conversation about my sexuality a few days ago..." Sai's voice trailed off. The blond and rosette stood there, their legs quivering beneath them like jelly, looking like caught mice.

"Ahaha... About that..." Sakura muttered weakly.

"So, since you heard us. Mind answering the questio_— Ow!" _Naruto shouted, rubbing the spot that was bruised by Sakura's kick.

"Hm, I'm open to both parties. After all, limiting yourself to just one team is no fun at all. And comparing the two sexes are even worse. It's like comparing cake to ice cream, full of different kinds and flavours. It's both entirely different yet similar. And who's to say that a particular kind is the best when you haven't tried them all?" Sai answered, smile in place and eyes squinted into a thin curved line. Sakura started coughing and Naruto stared at the raven in dismay.

"Dude, that is fucked up."

"I know, Dickless, I know."

* * *

**END! Review! Also, this was really random and the idea wasn't really developed. I was just musing over which pairing would be best for my other story when I began to wonder about which team did Sai play for. He can be both portrayed as straight yet homosexual. So what do you think?**


End file.
